Me
[Dane]
I'm just here to announce a couple of things. 1. My kids are great and I love them to bits. 2. I got a performance review that went amazingly. 3. My husband is super hot. Thank you, that is all.

[Tobes]
Someone has been drinking.

[Dane]
Incorrect, stupid cat. I'm just in a great mood.


RP Partner
[Phen]
Did. Did you just call my husband ‘stupid cat’?

[Mike]
I feel like an exasperated mother tonight. He’s giddy, and silly, and the most adorable and lovable shade of obnoxious.
His husband is rather dashing, though.

[Cole]
🤣🤣🤣


Me
[Dane]
It's from a movie. Or a comedy show? I forget! But yeah. Incorrect, stupid cat is a quote. Tobes isn't stupid. And we all know you don't call him a cat on the scale of animal names you could choose.

[Jess]
Take a breath, dude.
I'm exhausted and he's been messaging for five minutes. You have my prayers, Mike.

[Dane]
Fuck you too, JJ.
Also, I could wax poetic about my man's ass. Sonnets.

[Tobes]
Yes, we know. You only talk about it constantly.


RP Partner
[Matty]
Dane, did you smoke a funny cigarette?

[Phen]
I just choked on my coffee oh my god I’m going to die.

[Matty]
The wacky tobackky?

[Cole]
If that’s the case, can I have some? Seems like good shit.


Me
[Dane]
I did not. I'm just... Ridiculously happy in general.

[Jess]
I mean, if anyone wants some I have some. You absolute dorks.

[Tobes]
Please don't kill my husband. I depend on him for a lot of different reasons. Not the least of which is the nuzzles and kisses I get.

[Dane]
Oh my Lord, stop being cute. I'm sitting here thinking about my husband's body, not being sweet and cute. Don't ruin the vibe!

[Davonte]
If we're going to wax poetic about people's bodies... I could get started about Matty's. 😉


RP Partner
[Matty]
Let me stop you right there. Don't. 😛

[Phen]
Ah, young and unmarried love.

[Cole]
I want some.

[Mike]
Bake it into something, and I'll consider it.
Dane, my darling, the boys don't need to hear things about my body. They don't care about it nearly as much as you do, I assure you. Don't be a pest. ❤️


Me
[Davonte]
Aww, but baby. I like talking about you. 😉

[Tobes]
Gross. You're gross. Can you two get married so we can stop hearing the cuteness?

[Jess]
Because getting married has stopped any of us? Live the dream, Tobes.
I'll bake cookies. Brownies? What sounds better?
Cole, my love, my soul, my sweet husband... You can get anything you want anytime you want it. The pot is in the usual place. I'm probably in the usual place, too. 😉

[Dane]
They're lucky I haven't spammed them with pictures. Or pointed out how you sit around with your legs spread because you're packing too much dick to be comfortable with your legs together... 😏

[Jess]
Dude.


RP Partner
[Mike]
Dane. Hush.

[Cole]
Aw, he still gets shy sometimes. Cute.

[Matty]
Tobin two minutes ago you were talking about how your husband gives you kisses and nuzzles. Two. Don't you go calling us gross.

[Phen]
He has a point, BB.

[Cole]
Oh my god his overly cute nickname has a nickname.
I am going to go and get stoned and work on my bike because all of you make me want to slam my head against the wall.
And I say that with love. 😆 ❤️

[Mike]
Oh to be sure, Cole.
Jesse, dear, don't go to any trouble. I wasn't insinuating you needed to go to any trouble to bake me anything. Isn't it a horrible nuisance to make things like that?


Me
[Dane]
I mean... It's all true. Like a thousand percent true. I would tease it was the biggest reason I agreed to marriage again... But that's not at all true. Sex is a bonus.

[Tobes]
Cole. Honey. Have you met yourself? You're literally the shyest person in this chat. By far.
Also, Matty, I will write you into my next book and kill you.
Phen Don't agree with Matty. Especially when using nicknames that make me all happy and blush.

[Davonte]
If it's too much trouble too make the pot butter, I can make it and bring you some, Jesse. I'm pretty sure I have that down to a science.

[Jess]
I'm never going to argue getting butter handed to me. The baking isn't that rough, Mike. I'm not busy or anything, so I don't mind.


RP Partner
[Mike]
Well, if you're going to argue with me about arguing with you, I suppose I should just give in then.
Dane.

[Cole]
Shut up, Tobin.
I love how most of us can have multiple conversations at the same time in this chat.

[Phen]
We are a chaotic family.

[Matty]
Did you guys know that when Davonte breaks a sweat, his skin looks exactly like brownie batter? All glossy and dark and... yum.

[Cole]
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


Me
[Dane]
Yes, baby? 😁

[Jess]
Yes, give in. People need to just do that with me more often.

[Dane]
🤐

[Jess]
Listen, you. Shut up.

[Dane]
🤣

[Davonte]
I actually have no clue how you all keep up with the ten thousand conversations at once.
Matt, do not make me start sending you dirty texts while I'm making clarified pot butter.

[Tobes]
We really are chaotic. And yet, we all keep up. Somehow.


RP Partner
[Mike]
That's enough.

[Cole]
Haha you're in trouble.

[Matty]
Oh. Oh no. What a horrible threat upon my life as we know it. Dirty texts. Oh no.

[Phen]
Alright even I am having trouble keeping up with everyone tonight. Maybe I'm getting too old for all of this.


Me
[Dane]
Yes, love. I'll behave.

[Tobes]
We should let the kids run amok and be less chaotic on our own. We're both too old for it.

[Davonte]
You little heathen. Don't you play with me. 😀

[Jess]
Sorry, guys. We have been extra chaotic tonight. I blame Dane.

[Dane]
🖕


RP Partner
[Mike]
Hmm. You'd better.

[Cole]
I also blame Dane. But I usually do. 😘

[Phen]
Nobody needs to blame anybody, I'm just having a hard time keeping up with everything. But I had an extra long day, so I'll blame a lot of it on that. Between work and getting the twins ready for school, I'm a tired old man.

[Matty]
Aw Phen. You're not all that old. You're doing a good job. 🙂
And I am not a heathen.


Me
[Dane]
Cole. Do not make me list all of the things I taught your man when we were kids.

[Jess]
I will actually stab you. Go love on your fantastic husband with his sonnet-worthy ass and gigantic anaconda dick.

[Dane]
If you hear shrieks of laughter all over town, that's just me.

[Tobes]
Rolling my eyes so hard at you all right now.
Idiots.
❤️


RP Partner
[Cole] I hate to break it to you Chef, but that's not exactly the threat that you seem to want it to be. Like... oh no. You and Jesse fucked eons ago. He picked up some tricks that have been used on me now and I enjoy. Oh no. My paper skin and glass bones can't handle the fact that my husband had a sex life before he knew me. Oh noooooooooo.

[Phen]
Oh my god I love when Cole gets stoned and just... goes off on what I'm sure he thinks are well articulated tirades but really come out as run-on sentences and repetition.
Oh no.

[Cole]
Shut... up.
[Matty]
😆
I am extra amused right now.


Me
[Jess]
I also love when he gets like this. Just so we're all aware. He's great like this. And his sarcasm rolls off of him in waves you can practically ride.
[Tobes]
Something something ride those waves something. I'm too lazy to think up the dirty insinuations. Insert them here. Pretend I was brilliant.

[Dane]
I mean... I wouldn't say EONS, Coley.

[Jess]
Dane. Shut up. Go to your room.

[Dane]
I will happily go to my room. 😏


RP Partner
[Phen]
You tried, sweetheart. Therefore no one can judge you. Or something. I forget how that quote goes. You know what I mean.

[Matty]
Man, everyone is tired or stoned tonight. Or Dane, who's about to get into trouble of some kind. And I'm sitting here, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and not stoned. An outsider, peering into the strange goings on of this neighbourhood of ours.

[Cole]
Peeper.

[Matty]
Yes, exactly that, Cole. I am a peeper, peeping at you from all the way over here.
I just want to pat you gently on the head right now.

[Cole]
😛


Me
[Tobes]
Such a supportive man. Love you. ❤️

[Davonte]
You could always get yourself in trouble, baby. Just gotta know how to go about it.
Cole, you're my new favorite stoned person.

[Jess]
Pretty sure we all like him stoned. I'm always going to like him best, though.

[Tobes]
As well you should, Jesse.
Cole, honey, you are so adorable.


RP Partner
[Mike]
Well yes, that's allowed Jesse. He is amusing when he's stoned, though.

[Cole]
STooooppppppp.

[Phen]
God, you kids. You're all so cute. Tobin, let's adopt them all.

[Matty]
Oh yeah that's a great idea. Let's all cram into your house with your three actual children, and see how long it takes before fistfights break out.

[Phen]
Hitting is against the rules, and you'll get a time-out mister!


Me
[Tobes]
I'm not adopting Matty. That'd be awkward. And then it would be weird that we adopted married people. The logistics of siblings being married and all of that... Let's just keep them all as friends.

[Jess]
You should see him when he's like this. He gets all fuzzy and smiley and wants to cuddle unless he's busy. Then he gets intensely focused and I have to distract him.

[Davonte]
I'll take care of the time-outs for Matty, Dad. 😆


RP Partner
[Phen]
You thought way too much about that and took all the fun out of it, Tobin. 😛

[Cole]
Haha.
Stop!
Go away I'm cleaning my carburetor.

[Phen]
That sounded so unsexy...

[Matty]
S T O P omg


Me
[Tobes]
Hello, have we met? My brain doesn't know how not to overthink things. I often sucks the fun out of everything.

[Jess]
And yet he's super sexy when he's all gearhead and working on things. I'm a fan.

[Davonte]
Who you yelling at to stop things? Has that ever worked?


RP Partner
[Phen]
I'm not saying a word, I'm not saying a word.

[Mike]
Speaking of not saying a word.
Dane, where did you go? You had better not have actually gone to our room to do smirky things.

[Cole]
Oooooooooooooooooo~

[Matty]
🤦‍♂️


Me
[Tobes]
You took that another way... I was being annoying teenage "you sucks the fun out of everything!" And you went all... Sucks and fun didn't you?

[Dane]
I was cleaning the kitchen. I said I was going to behave! Terrible assumptions.

[Jess]
Do you blame him? It is you we're talking about...

[Dane]
Not to be boring and repeat myself, JJ, but 🖕